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The End: Elementary

11/04/07 || Lord K Philipson

The world’s music scene’s got a problem. Actually, it’s got a lot of fucken problems. And very few solutions. We have the piss-poor black metal bands who claim they are trve, grvm and über-necro. Bands who automatically think that an album recorded in mom’s basement with grandma’s cassette deck and make-up means that they are the essence of black metal. And these guys get to release albums on some useless recordlabel no one ever heard of. That’s just wrong. The solution is Dark Funeral.

We also have the fantastically over-pretentious power metal bands who believe playing cheesy riffs with vagina-orchestrations together with a high pitched she-male singing about gay-strength, dragons and warriors is the heaviest shit since Butterbean’s whole family. That’s just wrong too. The possible solution is some very early Helloween, though there’s hardly any real solution to the power metal bullshit problem.

Then there’s all these “br00tal” death metal bands who think Six Feet Under was the first ever death metal band. Their fave thing to do is label themselves “brutal death metal”. Newsflash: Death metal is brutal by default. That’s like saying “I want sugar on my cornflakes, but make sure the sugar is sweet!”. That makes no sense. And it’s just wrong. The solution is Vomitory, and almost Vomitory alone. Bolt Thrower helps a little as well when I think about it.

Not to forget the absolutely most irritating thing of all within today’s metal scene. All the disgusting 3-words bands. You know what I’m talking about. All of them fucken idiots who mix “brutal” vocals with clean sung choruses. Preferably, these guys are from the US but stole everything from Sweden’s At The Gates. I despise all of them, because they all fucken suck. The solution is some neatly designed missiles that find their way into the rehearsal room of each and every band in this genre.

Then we have all the bands (and a million of other genres that suck, I don’t have the strength to list all of them) who really try to do something out of the ordinary, but fails at it coz it’s not anything out of the ordinary after all. The End is one of those bands. Trying to be innovative, trying to do their own thing (there is no “own thing” anymore, it’s all been done), wanting to show that they are so incredibly fucken special, moody and bla bla fucken bla…

The End bores me to tears.

It’s not like they can’t play and compose (well.. that last part is debatable), they obviously can (hence the somewhat high rating in this review). But so can Primus and it never helped them. The End plays some semi-metal thing and I can’t be arsed to fucken care even a little. Sometimes the riffing reminds me of Sepultura with Refused-like arrangements and vocals. At other times The End wants to be the most precious kid in Special Class and hands out completely irrelevant instrumental, I’m supposed they are meant to be very moody and emotional, parts with alot of fx’d vocals. Not good. Not good at all.

The End is just another band who wrongfully got the chance to release an album while, and this is something I mention quite often, countless of talented acts remains unsigned. And it pisses me the fuck off.

This is what Relapse has to say about them:

“The End build their striking abilities and unique vision to astonishing new heights on its brand-new album Elementary. An incredible listen, Elementary sees The End find its own unique voice, balancing world-class musicianship with fiery songs that bare the soul and expose the essence of what it means to be real/human. The impassioned vocals of Aaron Wolf lead a stunning ten-song charge of heavy music as expansive as it is expressive, as moving as it is memorable, and immediate in its impact on all within earshot. Awe-inspiring songs like The Never Ever Aftermath, Throwing Stones, Animals, and In Distress look deep into the heart of human experience and emotion, burning with a passion seldom heard in modern music. Simply stated, Elementary is a monumental record. One of the best you will ever hear. Meet your new favorite band. The End has arrived.”

I fucken hate all this recordlabel bullshit, trying to convince everyone that this album is the best shit since Jenna Jameson showed her monstrous rack the first time. Everyone knows it’s not for real. It’s all fucken fake. The best albums are already made. And I’m not talking about “St. Anger”. Fuck that album. Fuck the whole band for destroying everything they built up in the early years. Fuck the industry. Fuck all the recordlabel bullshit. Fuck all the crappy bands who release albums though they shouldn’t fucken be. Fuck the ones who let them. Fuck their families and friends, their fucken necro pets and goth girlfriends. And while we are at it, fuck The End as well. Just as a bonus. Oh, and fuck Bleeding Through. I fucken hate Bleeding Through.

Seriously, fuck it.

“One of the best you will ever hear”? “Elementary is a monumental record”? “Awe-inspiring songs”? “Burning with a passion seldom heard in modern music”?

Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here.

“The End has arrived”?

I fucken hope so.

3/10.

Information
Released: 2007
Label: Relapse Records
Website: www.allchaos.net
Band
Aaron Wolff: vocals
Steve Watson: guitar
Andrew Hercules: guitar
Sean Dooley: bass
Anthony Salajko: drums

Tracklist
01. Dangerous
02. The never aftermath
03. Animal
04. The moth and I
05. Throwing stones
06. My abyss
07. Awake!
08. A fell wind
09. In distress
10. And always…

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